"Assessment Protocol" Personal Log- LtCmdr Rowena Luna Vandread-Rose

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3249Rowena
Operations - Lt Commander
Operations - Lt Commander
Posts: 131
Joined: 180510.1401
Duty Post: Operations
Ship/Station Posted: SS Peedy Thor
Grid: Second Life
Location: England, United Kingdom
Has thanked: 13 times
Been thanked: 9 times
Contact:

191011.1552

Computer, begin recording

I don't have long, Goddard is being prepped for departure and I need to report to the bridge. I just had to get away from the Ops centre, from everything, everyone. Ever since I saw those words appear on my console, it's like I've just been like a robot, acting automatically.

I haven't stopped shaking since I left and my minds been racing, trying to think if I knew anyone on board USS Altair. Was that the ship the Ensign I was chatting to in the bar last night say he was going to? or the engineering Lieutenant I was flirting with later, I thought she mentioned being on the Altair. Just can't remember!!! Did any of my old Squadron cadets transfer to that ship after graduation? or anyone I was at the academy with when I first joined up, which feels so long ago.

We're trained for everything, but no one mentions this. The one thing only experience can teach you. That sickening feeling, the sense of loss, the anger. The need to try and make sense of what's happened, the why's.

I looked at the Commodore's face when I reported the message from USS Darwin. I couldn't look him in the eyes, but I glimpsed a shadow that fell but was quickly replaced by.... what? I wonder how many times has he had to experience this or something like this during his service in the fleet. I know if anyone offered me the centre chair right now, I'd run screaming back to Earth. Perhaps I should.

Maybe I'm not cut out for this after all. What use is an introverted bookworm out here? But I cannot run away now. I mustn't. I can't let them down, and there's another thing.

Need to know the why, I think we all do. Will this mission get us closer to knowing that?

End recording
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