Personal Log - CMDR Ulrich Bechir - SN 0010

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Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220527.0433

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Stardate: 220527 05.22
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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After being picked up by USS Veracruz I have been in discussion with Vice Admiral Mistwallow. We both agree at this point due to the effects of my experiences it is likely that I am suffering from various levels of depression, survivor's guilt, and post traumatic stress. While I have been cleared as fit for duty, I concur that I am not fit to resume command at this time. The Vice Admiral has reduced my rank to Commander with the understanding that I would have time to build myself up again. I know he hopes that I will resume starship command one day, and perhaps I will, but I agree with the assessment at this time that I am simply not ready. When asked where I would like to serve, the choice seemed clear.

The fleet has changed greatly in my ten year absence, while I am sure that each ship is populated by fine crews and commanding officers, I know the CO of the Veracruz and their Chief of Engineering was one of my former crew as well. I also served with both on Tranquility when I was a cadet and Ensign. The crew have warmly received me, so on the Veracruz I will stay.

For the time being, I've traded in my command reds for Intelligence Department whites. Veracruz works on the edge of the frontier, the limits of our borders. I have experience with what lies beyond those borders. I have met several of the races, I already have some intelligence on them, as a result the department change just made sense.

Moon is going to set me up with quarters as soon as I am completely out of sickbay. I can see there is an Intelligence Office on Deck 7, across from the brig. I've also had a look at the Intelligence Console on the bridge. There are ample places for me to work, which is good because I need to work. The way I deal with loss has always been to throw myself into my work, and there is a great deal of loss to deal with.

It will take time to get used to some of the new technology, but for the most part there is very little different operationally, just the faces are unfamiliar. My key desire and most important task will be to forge new friendships in this strange new world I find myself in.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220602.0507

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Stardate: 220602 06.02
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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And so I'm now fully integrated with the Veracruz Crew (try saying THAT five times fast) as their Intelligence Officer. I like the crew in general. They are hard working and professional. They fully understand their duties. Can I see myself getting close to them? I don't know, I doubt it. Shogun taught me that closeness can only lead to loss and I don't particularly want to go through that again. I will do my duties and be effective in them as possible. They keep me occupied, which I need right now.

I will say that if I were in command I would ban the child of Moon and Kinney, Aziz is his name, from the bridge. The disruption he causes is unbelievable. The bridge of a starship is no place for family drama and it distracts everyone from the duties at hand. With what I saw last night Kinney could have been removed by his Second Officer due to being personally compromised by having to discipline their little brat. I can tell this Aziz is smart and I realize that he has had troubles, but who hasn't? I just hope that if we are in a combat situation more family drama doesn't rear its ugly head.

Picard was right, children have no business on the bridge of a starship.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220609.0732

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Stardate: 220609
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I'm starting to believe I'm cursed. After being found the first smaller craft I get on suffers catastrophic failure and has to be crash landed. Fred is hurt badly and I know I am too. The saving grace seems to be Aziz, he frustrates me so much.

Aziz reminds me of a cadet I once worked with, SVAndrei Baxton, an excellent engineer who came bounding onto the bridge saying the first thing that came into his head. He often behaved in ways that were borderline insubordinate but eventually grew into an excellent officer and one of my best friends. I honestly believe if Aziz can tame whatever demons hold him, he can be one of the best Starfleet has had. I've seen those flashes of brilliance during this calamity but until he can get his dark side under control, I am worried about him taking the wrong path.

I hope that the rescue team gets to us in time. I don't want to return after such a long stasis only to die on my first away mission, however the priority stays the same, ensuring that civilian lives are protected and that my senior officer survives.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220623.0615

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Stardate: 220623 10.10
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I'm not sure how to feel after the shuttle crash and subsequent rescue. Part of me is always happy to be alive, but another part, a darker part wishes I had been left. The loss of my crew still looms over me, as does the guilt existent due to me surviving while they seemingly perished. While I know there is still a great deal I can accomplish to help those around me there will always be a part of me who cannot reconcile my separation from those who formed a family for me. I keep seeking that connection on USS Veracruz, but often I feel too different and too separated from them. I don't know how to proceed or even if this should continue.

The one thing I am relieved about is the fact that I can continue contacting the families of those lost to me. There were over seven hundred souls onboard when the ship was lost. So far, I have been able to connect with roughly ten percent of them. It is my duty to contact the families and thusly I shall continue. I cannot tell them with any certainty that their loved ones are alive or dead, but perhaps commiseration will help with at least part of the absence they must acutely feel. I contacted my CMO's family just recently, I didn't know Mobians had tear ducts.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220701.0434

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Stardate: 220701 08.22
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I am finally out of sickbay and back in my quarters. Since my release I have been barraged by data streams about the current situation the USS Veracruz has found itself in, including damaged logs and data from the... other bridge. Current events wrench themselves forward and superimpose upon my previous history. I'm finding it hard to concentrate and remain objective. Losing my objectivity is frightening to me.

My sleep has been less than restful as dreams turn to nightmares melding events from my previous command with my current duty station. The guilt I feel is combined with a feeling of foreboding and danger the like I cannot easily describe. I feel a weight pressing down more and more with each passing minute and something in the pit of my stomach gnawing at me. This is not good. This is not healthy.

I know myself well. I am frustratingly Left Brained Bolian. Duty and service come above all else. I am also stubborn and single-minded when given a task. Since my retrieval I have used these qualities to avoid dealing with what has happened, but the new events wash over me like a tidal wave. I cannot cope on my own anymore, the potential future loss of the crew I now work with is too much. I have to start to admit that I cannot continue on this journey alone, I need help. I need to reframe my state of mind and reassess what it means to carry on with my duty and what it means to be strong.

It is time to ask Dr. McKay-Sheppard to make me an appointment with an appropriate ship's counsellor. I need to deal with what I need to deal with.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220712.0406

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Stardate: 220712 04.46
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I have completed my first session with Doctor Thobius Jaxis, a joined Trill counsellor on USS Veracruz. At first I was somewhat skeptical but I did request the help and as a result I am duty bound to at least make an attempt.

The mother of modern psychiatry on Bolarus IX was Vala' Gri. She postulated that our position in the society was more important that as an individual. That it was our duty to find a way to work within the society we find ourselves in and ensure that all parts move properly, including us. It was always stressed that you had to work within the society and to support the society. The individual by and large is unimportant without the society around them. The nice thing about talking to a joined Trill is they understand that sentiment. However, Thobius has also shown me that this is not the only way to observe things. Sometimes the individual needs to look after themselves in order to ensure that the society is strengthened. Sometimes it is ok to be concerned with the individual's well being as if they function well as an individual, then the entire society can benefit. There is sense to this and it is something I will have to think about further.

We also discussed the fact that anger is the root of my current difficulties. I am angry at the Borg, I am angry at the Kazon, I am angry at the Kradin... actually I really hate the Kradin, but Thobius says that this is at least, in part, justified. Still I cannot allow my hatred to cloud my judgements. However, I also am angry with my crew for disappearing on some level. I know intellectually that it wasn't their fault. All of us did the best we could, but still... I am angry for them leaving me. I also am angry with the crew of Veracruz... and Moon and Kinney, for saving me. There is a strong part of me that believes they should have left me drift to oblivion because that is what I deserved, because in reality I hate myself for failing all the people who mattered the most to me. Believe it or not, the realization that I hate myself was the easiest one to come to. This is something I need to work on before I am capable of fully serving anything again. I am lucky that RADMR Mistwallow had me move to CMDR, I am currently unfit for Command but I believe that these realizations about my current situation might be the first steps to becoming fit again some day. I need to be sure to thank Rodney, I believe he has helped me by putting me in touch with Thobius more than he can ever know.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220720.0526

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Date: July 20, 2422
By: Ulrich, former slave of the Terran Empire

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:defiant: Recording Begins :defiant:
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Red has asked me to chronicle what I can remember so that if we don’t survive others might have a chance to learn from something other than the Empire’s prescribed history. Personally, I don’t see the point. The vast amount of humanity could care less about the plight of other races that they see as ‘inferior’ despite the many ways we constantly prove ourselves better at certain skills than they are. Perhaps my words might change the minds of one or two individuals, but the machinery of the Empire will continue despite anything I impact. Still, I will do as I’m asked in this case as Red has been helpful and treats me as an equal as well as those who were freed with me. Perhaps I can find some hope that this is not a futile gesture and that future generations derive some strength and truth from my words.

So I have been asked to go back as far as I know or remember. I was told of the Great Wars of Bolarus as a child that started in the 2200s. The Bolians of several continents were fighting over the little dry land and resources available to us. It was a bloody, violent time that highlighted the aspects of the Bolian people that are always to the fore; or our natural inclinations towards organization, duty, and passion. All those things together made for a brutal war and one that seemed to have no end in sight. Our war had even spread into space as one faction colonized a planet in the system in hopes of avoiding the war only to find themselves on a new battleground. It was during this time period that one of our great inventors discovered warp engine technology and attracted a new set of eyes to the Cliffs of Bole.

It was 2252 when the aliens first came in their huge starships. They were bigger and more advanced than anything we had ever seen before and proclaimed over all our media networks that we were now property of the Empire. However nearly fifty years of warfare had made the people of Bolarus IX battle hardened. The one thing the Empire did for us was forced us to set aside our differences as for the first time the three opposing continents of Bolarus IX banded together to push back the invaders. It worked, and we were successful for a time. We lived for one hundred twenty or so years of relative peace without the presence of the Terran Empire in our space. During that time we worked to advance quickly, especially in terms of warfare and defense. While the enemy had been vanquished in the short term, we had little doubt that they would one day return.

Unknown to us at the time, the Terran Empire was undergoing their own problems and upheavals and wisely decided to deal with those before bothering with Bolarus IX, but they never forgot us or the way we defied them. As a result, once they had mostly calmed their internal storms, they returned to our system in 2376. At the time, I was six years old. My primary parents, Pov and Ta’la, owned a water shipping service and a dozen modern sailing ships. Despite the fact that the people of our planet could use airships of all types, including starships now, we still preferred to maintain our traditional ties to the waters of the Bolian seas. So we worked shipping and receiving in a place, I know it starts with an “A” but if is lost to me as is our family name. I knew that my brother Posla and myself were meant to assume control of the business at some time, but I was only six cycles old at the time, such things were far in my future. Besides, if I were to be honest, my eyes often looked to the stars and their beauty. I wondered what lay beyond Bolarus IX and if we could ever get past the xenophobia and fear that caused us to put our resources in space defense so we could be explorers instead. I wanted to sail the galaxy like the great Bolians of the past had sailed across the oceans of Bolarus IX.

When the Terran Empire attacked, it was not like before. Over the last one hundred and fifty years they had developed weapons on a much larger scope and they came in numbers hitherto unthinkable to us. The waves of attack decimated our people and our planet. I believe now that a point was being made. There is little I remember except for chaos and pain from this time period. My parents pushed my brother and myself into another room to stay safe. I don’t know what happened to them, but I can guess. I have never seen them again since that day. When the Terrans broke into our bedroom and found us cowering behind the furniture of my bedroom, my brother Posla rushed to defend me, his younger brother. It is obvious that the Terrans were shooting to kill at that point as Posla fell to the ground beside me, half his face charred and his eyes staring off into the distance. I was grabbed and taken.

Over the next years I was ‘taught’ how to be a proper ‘servant’ for the Empire. My last name was lost as I was too young to remember it, so formally I was now called Ulrich Butler, although more often I was called “Blue”, “Useless”, “Bruise”, or “Boy”. I, of course, reject all these names including Butler, a name based solely on the occupation I was given under the Empire. My hope is to someday reclaim my family name, however I do not know how to do this. At any rate, I was moved from household to household to work for them. An Empire is a funny thing, many see it as a preferable societal construct due to its outward strength but it’s lack of diversification eventually causes problems, especially financially. So a household would become insolvent, sell me along with others, and we would move on. Some of those who possessed me treated us fairly well, others were cruel. I could chronicle that but I believe it to be a tale older than history. Regardless as to if you are a ‘good’ slave owner or a ‘bad’ slave owner, you are still a slave owner. Your very act of owning another debases both you and the intelligent being you claim to control.

At this time, I will also make clear, I was working in a house with access to many books, holovids, music and other amenities. I even had one household where one of the young masters thought it was fun to teach me. So yes, I read and write and think. It is my understanding that a certain segment of my people learn very fast, while another become great artists. Both were pressed into involuntary service in these households, but I apparently come from the ‘fast learning’ group.

At any rate, the household we were in was in a state of financial collapse. Those of us who were highly skilled were among the first sold. This group included myself, as well as several who kept household mechanical devices operational, as well as others who kept the household running. We were being transported to auction when the ship piloted by Red intercepted it and ‘freed’ us. Currently the engineering area is being manned by my fellow slaves, they have learned well and are cagey in operating anything mechanical. I have been looked to as some kind of leader to this little slave escape. My hope is that we can make it to wherever it is that Red tells us we can live freely or die trying. I cannot guarantee our survival, only that I will do my best to bring about some kind of life that doesn’t include eternal servitude. If I die during this attempt I do so knowing that I have done what I can to lead my people to freedom. Now it’s your turn.



:defiant: Recording Ends :defiant:
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220730.0334

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Stardate: 220730 04.33
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I’m not sure how I feel. I just got word that they are building NCC-73812-A and I have been invited to tour the yards. A great deal of what they’re doing is classified and I do not have the clearance I used to, but in deference to my former position with it, the yard commanders contacted me. It was implied that the new ship would be a completely new spaceframe and technological design, something entirely 25th Century. They want to see what they’re building and for me to give input if I’d like. I know how the input thing goes though, you can make suggestions but don’t be shocked when they aren’t taken. This new ship is supposed to be unlike anything UFS has at the moment, again most of it is classified but they’re looking at a deep space explorer again. I miss those missions, I miss my crew. I can’t imagine what new things have been created that don’t already exist on ships like Veracruz, Thor, Durant, or Maxwell but I suppose that ADSB constantly has new things up their sleeve.

At any rate, I’m torn. On the one hand, building her is almost an admission of what I’ve lost and the fact that I’m not getting that back. On the other hand this is a part of moving on. The original was an amazing ship crewed by amazing people and I was lucky to be a part of it. The possibility for another crew to bear the name and go forward into the unknown is kind of exciting really. Another ship should be able to bear the name USS Shogun.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220817.0436

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Stardate: 220817 05.28
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I have agreed to view the plans and information for the new NCC 73812-A after much deliberation. Accepting the loss of the original is difficult, but I do need to go on. This is something I talked extensively to Doctor Jaxis about. He agreed that some involvement might help me to grieve and be better in my present roles. So far I'm still not sure, but I'll try.

The plans are... both familiar and unusual. I feel like I've seen the space frame before, but what's being done to it is unique. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, all the ships originally developed at Yard 39 tend to have that familiar yet advanced feel to them. These plans have only been widely dispersed throughout different ship building facilities for a short period of time and, as with all Starfleet craft, there is significant room for alteration. Right now all I have is the spaceframe to look at, basically the structure, but I can see that there will be significant changes to the Sovereign design, including this new ship being somewhat smaller. There are also swapouts for deep space exploration, which is good as that was always the original's primary mission.

I look forward to more information in the days ahead and the chance to eventually tour the facility once we are in a closer position to Pinastri.

Despite myself, I feel excitement about the future for this craft. Being an 'outside non-technical consultant' however feels like an appeasement more than anything else.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

220831.1048

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Stardate: 220831 14.39
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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Yard 39 have code named this construction "Miracle Worker" for a reason, that's for sure. Some of these systems are definitely unique in both form and function. Some aspects seem to be returns to previous ideas, but with modern twists. The warp core is... inspired... I've not seen anything quite like this before and apparently it is experimental, partially designed to be more efficient and partially designed to save space and present with a smaller strikable target. Some of the workable aspects are still in development, but I look forward to seeing the actual construction in the months to come. Components are being built now, but the actual construction doesn't start until
SpoilerShow
REDACTED
,

The name of the class,
SpoilerShow
REDACTED
intrigues me as I do not understand the full reference, except that it was an important starship from a very long time ago. I will have to research this name more fully. It will definitely be smaller than the Sovereign Class, but not by a whole lot. Looks to be a lot more maneuverable though. I look forward to seeing more updates as they come.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

221001.0549

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Stardate: 2201001 05.42
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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I am mostly settled in on USS Atlas, it is VERY different from USS Veracruz. Veracruz was more like the starfleet ships I was used to before getting stuck in the buffer. Atlas, while retaining some features of my original time period, has a lot more bells and whistles. The ship is impressive, but we always have to remember, the more doodads they add to things, the more there is to go wrong.

I continue to examine the spaceframe information and other technical data for the new NCC-73812A. There is a ship that will definitely define cutting edge when she’s finished. The capacity to fry EPS conduits on ships opposing them is interesting. Slipstream and Quantum drive were also things that were brand new and just being looked at when my unfortunate events occurred. This ship integrates everything so seamlessly. The only thing that is ‘different’ in terms of shape and length is the nacelles and from what I can tell, that is to properly house all the new technology. She’s a bit smaller than the original, but a whole lot faster and nastier. Probably much better suited to exploring territories that could be contested.

I keep putting suggestions in my “If I captained this, I would want” bucket. I hope it helps. I can’t help but feel regret that a ship by that name might launch without me on it, but who knows? Strange things happen in Starfleet.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

221018.0825

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Stardate: 221018.0825
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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Stasis... I ended up in stasis... again.

It was the worst feeling, as it dawned on us that our bodies were being held somewhere while we traipsed around Third World. Watching the other crew there with me skip along and seem to ENJOY being trapped raised an anger that I cannot even begin to describe, but I kept it under control. Most have no idea about my past and have no reason to even remotely understand the stress that it placed me under. I did my best to occupy my time looking for Ensign Kane. I did not realize that he was rendered medically unable to join us in Third World but still hunting for him at least kept my mind off the fact that I was frozen in time once again.

Ten years I spent stuck in a transporter buffer. It is one of those strange things, you are simultaneously aware and unaware of the passage of time. You know something is wrong, but you don't really know HOW wrong it is. Those ten years lost almost everything to me. Most of my friends disappeared, my career was diverted, even Pinastri and Tranquility are vastly different than they were when I went into the buffer. Being placed in stasis again while in Third World was a special kind of Hell and it was made worse by knowing that the species that set up the biological systems were vastly different from my own. Not only was I in stasis again but my body was slowly being starved of necessary nutrients.

And the rest of the crew played.

This has dredged up too many memories. I have attempted contact with Dr. Jaxis on USS Veracruz, I know him but I also know that it could take weeks to get a response. I don't know the therapists on USS Atlas, but I suppose I will have to try and seek one out, at least they can provide something for me to sleep at night since being taken out of Third World.

=/\= LOG ENDS =/\=
User avatar
Ulrich Bechir
Intelligence - Commander
Intelligence - Commander
Posts: 201
Joined: 220519.0750
Duty Post: Intelligence
Ship/Station Posted: USS Atlas
Grid: Second Life
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 221 times
Contact:

221116.0659

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Stardate: 221116.0652
Report by: CMDR Ulrich Bechir
Service Number: 0010
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The changes in technology in the last decade are stunning. Being able to walk into a holodeck and have a physical holosignal on Pinastri wearing a mobile emitter is quite a breakthrough. Although imperfect in many ways, it does allow some flexibility. With this, I did another of my 'requested tours' on the shipyards, where the new NCC 73812-A is being constructed. I cannot believe the innovations that they put into starships now, just a decade after the original launched.

She is smaller than the original... about 300 crew capacity smaller, but that's ok. How they put in such advanced weapons and engine systems despite the size is a testament to the regular progression of Starfleet technology and their engineers. No CO has been named so far, but again, I've been told that I will have at least some input into that and I should be told within the next couple weeks who is on the short list.

While I feel some pangs of regret about the ship potentially leaving spacedock without me in the center seat, I am happy that the legacy of the ship will live on.
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