Ensign Merusha Nilsson: Personal Log

[Merusha]

Merusha walks slowly back to her quarters, heart heavy, after a long and trying shift at the helm. She feels like she let her captain and ship down somehow. All because of those stupid psionic abilities of hers. So typical, they kick in at absolutely the wrong moment, like when she's about to steer a Celestial/Galaxy class starship into the Great Barrier! According to the doctor, the reaction was to be expected of someone hof her abilities - but still. What use is a psion at the helm?

She shakes her head rapidly and just about manages to make it inside her quarters before letting loose the floodgates. She flings herself onto her bed and lets the tears flow. Eventually, her sobs subside and a detached calmness descends, it's almost as though she were observing herself from the outside.

Yes, she was taken off guard by her sudden blackout at the helm, but how often does one fly a spaceship into the mysterious, unpredictable energies of the Great Barrier? As usual, she is being hard on herself, instead of focusing on what she can do to prevent such a thing happening in the future. Flying a starship requires more than technical prowess, especially for psionics. Meditation. Mental training. That is the key. She must increase her efforts to tame her mental abilities so that she is prepared for the challenges ahead. And there are likely to be many more of those out there in deep space.

[Merusha]

Merusha is stunned when she gets the message from the XO, Captain Bravin, that SS Astraios has disappeared. After the initial shcok she wonders what will happen next. Since they had to evacuate the station, she is spending the night in quarters planetside. She wonders if Q was behind it. But if it was him, why didn't he say anything? He is not known for reticence and modesty. She can't sleep, so she activates her PADD and dictates a few lines in her personal log, writing always seems to help somehow:
"With the disappearance of the station, I feel somehow this is a turning point for me. I can't put my finger on it - it's just a feeling - vague yet certain. I have learnt to trust these feelings. We are all bunking down in temporary quarters on the planet and I can sense that many are upset about today's events. Well, I'm confident that the CO, Captain Markus, will sort us out soon enough and we'll have a new home in due course. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that this is the beginning of many changes to come, I don't know what, why or when, I just know." She re-reads her log and shakes her head with a crooked smile. Typical babblings of a psionic! No-one else would understand why she puts so much faith in this... feeling...