Personal Log Ensign Carol Ellsworth

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220916.1158

Ensign Science Officer Carol Ellsworth
Stardate 24220909
Personal Log
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How did I end in this mess? I don't know, but I'm trying to recall all the events.

I was very excited to go with my crewmates to test the shuttlecraft and explore the nebula. Little did I know I would end in the middle of an ion storm, that we would find a prehistoric M-class planet and that I would be "almost" food for a dinosaur, that along violating the prime directive which I had sworn I wouldn't...

I must admit that when we were lost it was stimulating, not in that moment when the instruments weren't operating, but now that I think about it, the sense of danger and the rush to discover a way out of the storm was exciting. I was nervous at first but Lt.  Otsuka had made funny comments so I wasn't so nervous... yes, probably. That means only one thing... commitment and experience. I knew she would land the shutter, but I wasn't expecting the medical officers to be hurt. I wasn't expecting either to find humanoids there, they looked just like us... perhaps they looked the way we would thousand years ago.

I thought we were safe in the cave, but then a bird kidnapped me, more like she was going to feed her offspring with me. I wanted to scan the eggs, I wanted to touch the little birds, but if I did I would end up in their stomach.  I could swear that thing was gonna move the rock where I was hiding only to get me and when I climbed down  near the cave's area, I only saw more dinosaurs and the tribe fighting them. I couldn't even help them as my leg was hurt and stuck. I felt impotent and useless at that moment. They were in danger only because of me, as they were out trying to find me. 

It doesn't feel right to interfere but these people risked their lives to rescue me, they offered us shelter in  their home, their poisonous home full of radiation... They don't even know they are dying because those walls are radioactive, but we know! We don't have the right to interfere, but do we have the right to turn our backs when we can stop a tragedy? This is an ethical matter and I wonder, if we weren't so advanced... would we let them die there?

They helped Lt. Col. Mitchell in the rescue mission and one of them had been bitten and had lost a lot of blood, he was hurt and only because he was willing to help. I could bet he didn't even think about it, because that's what this tribe is like... they help with no questioning. 

Sometimes the right thing to do is NOT the right thing to do.

I wanted to help them. I wanted to find a cure for the radiation. Even the Lt. Otsuka had mentioned that I might be able to help Una and the wounded caveman, even the EMH would help with the treatment too, but maybe that was only to calm down Ahnee that looked worried. It seems they wanted us to take the wounded with us. I can't even imagine the XO and captain face if we appeared there with cavemen.

Still. I feel like Lt. Otsuka is moved by them too even when she hasn't talked about it, except when she told Ahnee we would stay and try to help them, now the question is how to do that without violating the prime directive? I don't think Lt. Col. Mitchell realised everything that had happened as she was supervising everything, but oh, I know Lt. Lacrima could have noticed, but she didn't say a thing, so it could be only my imagination or maybe she was willing to help too, so why not try to mix their own minerals and plants to give them some hope? 

Ok, maybe that shot was a little too much and that alone deserves a lecture, a hearing or an investigation, but, as a second thought... the only violation would be the injection as maybe they could be helped with their resources and I used our technology to heal... the rest couldn't be avoided. We didn't want to interact with them, but they had seen the ship, they had seen us, they had seen our weapons and medical instruments.

We changed their history the moment we landed and the moment we mentioned the caves' radiation. Ok, we didn't tell them about the poison but they are very intelligent and they have figured it out, the caves are bad for them. They have seen us looking at the streaks and they are reading our body language. They understood many of our words, but being honest, things weren't totally out of control until I helped Vrook , but even if I hadn't help him, they wouldn't forget our presence.

I didnt think about the consequences of interfering. Honestly. I agreed to help them and now they were thinking about painting their walls with the story, the shuttle and us...that is more than interfering with their evolution. This could even alter their religious system, thinking their god sent us. I wonder how many times this has happened in human history... All that made me remember some ancient paintings found in old terran caves from the prehistoric period too.

The Prime Directive was right. But can I really say "lesson learned" when I'm still struggling about feelings and common sense? they offer help asking for nothing in return, WHY can't we do the same? That makes me mad but I have a duty too and I swore I would respect the prime directive. 

This is one of those moments when whatever you choose doesn't feel right.

Now thinking about solutions I need to analyse the possibilities, I need to talk to Lt. Otsuka, Lt. Col. Mitchell and Lt. Lacrima when she's back. We could try the vulcan way to make them forget some things, we could try to make them believe we are another tribe from the other side of the planet, we could try to appeal to their religious system so they don't paint those walls. Why can't we just wipe their memory?
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