Personal Log- Scottybrit Resident

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot sits before his computer looking even more tired than usual. His hair is poking out in every direction possible, moreso than usual, and his already green eyes look even greener with how heavily, coppery-bloodshot they are. His quarters do not look any different than before, save the window behind him where a small slice of Deep Space 9 is visible.

Personal Log - Stardate... erm... Uh.... today!

... what's today? *He leans out of view. After the small chirp of a data padd is heard, he pops back onto the recording.* Right, 170425.2210

We have stationed on DS9 to "relax and unwind" or however the captain put it. I think I have been relaxed more during a lab explosion. Actually that is entirely possible. So shore leave was supposed to be refreshing, or so I'm told.

Aryela and I enter the promenade, discussing our plans. She then gave me a detailed analysis of the stores she was considering... which was rivetting. However, I did not hear food. Food is quite important, especially if I'm going to be standing somewhere holding bags. So I asked,"Well where do you want to eat?" to which she replied, "It is not of concern. It makes no difference on my part." ... Basically "I don't care." Ughhhh... *He grumbles, looking irritated.* She does this all of the time. I swear, it doesn't matter what planet a woman comes from. When you ask them what they want to eat or where they want to go, they just shrug. Alright, maybe it's possible that she simply didn't know how to respond... that's probably it. But STILL... Can't someone just know what they want to eat?

But that's beside the point. I was telling you about my week. While we're talking, this pair of hands come out of nowhere and cover my eyes. My first thought is that I'm being kidnapped. But why would someone do that in the middle of the DS9 promenade? That would be stupid! Before I react, I hear a voice say, "Guess whoooo!" But I knew who it was simply because this wasn't said out loud. The voice was in my head. *He shakes his head, as though irritated with the computer judging his sanity. While a computer would not be programmed to judge sanity over a personal log, he felt the need to clarify, nonetheless.* Not the sort of voice that would warrant a visit to sickbay.

The very fact that this unmistakably feminine voice was requesting me to guess was ,frankly, absurd. There are only a few people I know that would do such a thing, and only one of them is telepathic... okay two of them. But I knew immediately it was Veana.

I can only imagine the look on Aryela's face at all of this. I'd have to imagine, because my eyes were covered. And to add a second voice into my head, Aryela asked if I needed assistance... I ended up saying that I wasn't sure.

And then, everything got really quiet. No one was saying anything. I stood there, eyes covered, confused as to what was going on. Eventually it dawned on me that Veana and Aryela must have been talking telepathically. After a few moments, Aryela sort of... opened the conversation for me so that I could hear. Her timing is... well it could be better. I tuned into Veana saying, "But don't worry! I totally am not into your boyfriend."

Gee... thanks...

It felt like an eternity, but probably only a few minutes, before she FINALLY remembered that she still had me blinded. While my eyes adjusted to the light all over again, my mind caught up with what was going on.

*Skot pauses, and scratches at the back of his head.* Maybe I should back up a bit. I knew Veana years ago. I met her my first year at the academy. She was interested in joining, but ultimately decided that all of the rules were not her style. I'm inclined to agree. Rules were never her style. We didn't last long. And it seemed that she ever only really contacted me when she wanted something. Yeah... one of those kind...

She wouldn't tell me what she wanted, but said she would tell me over dinner the next evening. I clumsily agreed because... well... I panicked.

*He folds his arms, and became a bit petulant.* Perhaps it's the wrong attitude, but I'm almost annoyed that Aryela wasn't more jealous. Of course... I guess she wouldn't be. When I spoke to her to see if she was alright with me going to dinner, she kept saying it was fine. But sometimes they say "fine" when they mean "sure, and I'll see your corpse roast in hell." How do you tell? Even when I asked her outright if she was jealous, she responded that the thought occurred to her to be so, but she did not see a reason to be. But when I asked her why not, she asked back "Am I mistaken to trust you?"

Darn logic. Because she's right. She doesn't have any reason not to trust me. I don't want to fly the Veana ship again. Once was enough.

So of course she should trust me. Which meant only one thing... I didn't have any good reason to say no.

I did end up meeting Veana at the main restaurant area. And after about ten minutes of me trying to get her to focus on the conversation instead of the desert menu, she finally told me what she wanted. It turns out that she uh... "acquired" a piece of old art on which she wanted my opinion. When she says opinion, she just wants to know if it's valuable. I suspect she also wanted to know if it was illegal to own.

I really didn't want to get entangled in whatever she has involved herself in this time. It's trouble because that's what she does. She finds trouble, and then sells it. And even if I DID want to get involved in however she found the Andorian oil-painted vase, which I completely don't, Torgo happened to be there, like a big, ugly, ridgy security camera.

I did give her my opinion on appraisal, and a bit of history to go along with it. I mean, it wasn't exceptionally rare or anything. Just old. I suppose it's valuable to a few people out there, but really it's not a museum piece. One thing is for sure, it's not illegal to own all by itself.

I didn't ask where she got it. The less I know the better. And I really didn't want to have to have any more dinners. Especially with the Klingon vase police eying me. So I recommended the quadruple layer chocolate cake because... well because betazoid. As soon as it arrived, and while she was distracted with it, I politely excused myself.

I spent the rest of my time finding excuses not leave the quarters. I'm sure any day now she's going to send a communication, either asking me if I know someone who would want to buy it, or informing me that I was incorrect, and she sold it for seventy bajillion units of some planet. Though if I don't hear from her... she's probably been arrested. Or the original owner has found her... hm...

Oh well! Not my problem! *He holds both arms up in triumph, even though there was no competition for problem evasion.* Aryela informs me that we will be leaving the station soon. What a relief. I really need to get off of this station. And I really, really need to inventory my fridge again. Gary has been gaining weight, and I'm not sure why.

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot sat with his arms folded, looking quite irritated with anything and everything.*

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

*He waited several moments before speaking.*

Oh I'll start recording alright. You want a recording? Well I'll give you one. Heh heh. heh. *His laugh was joyless, and had an aromatic dash of insanity.*

Personal log... bla-bla-bla-bla-bla. Stardate right NOW!

So we go to this planet. Guess who's on a table, getting his evil engrams inserted into his brain. Go on. Take a guess! I'll wait... *And that's exactly what he did. He waited for a full 15-20 seconds for the non-existant people to guess. When he finally does resume speaking, he gestures with increasing exhuberance*

They're at it again. I swear, people need to stay in their own universes. Every time they come over, it's like a really annoying dog that lives next door with your neighbor who keeps jumping the fence and pooping in your yard!

Um... the dog... the dog poops in your yard... not the neighbors.

No! You know what? The neighbors too! It's like your creepy twin comes into your yard and poops on your lawn. Even if it would technically be YOUR poop, it's not your poop. This poop has weird, backwards atoms and it's the wrong shape and just awful. And it's there in YOUR yard. And you have to clean it. Even though you aren't the one that pooped in your yard, and you've never pooped in theirs, you still are the poor schmuck that has to pick it up! And they don't make a creepy, alternate universe pooper scooper!

...

*Skot pauses, realizing what a raving lunatic he sounds like. Not to mention what he looks like, gesturing so violently that he nearly knocks over his table lamp. He leans over, holding his forhead with both hands, and then messing up the top of his hair... which made no difference to his appearance.*

They have some nutter, Rodney's cousin on the Thuderbird or whatever they have on the other side, making some clone of Kinney. Last time my counterpart came across my commanding officer, he ordered him to be killed. He barely survived that encounter. It was horrible. And the time before that, they kidnapped him to try and mutiny... against me!

Well not me. Him me. Not ME me. But whatever. I'm not crazy! I'm just.... I'm just very stressed out.

And even MORE before all of that, they killed THEIR Kinney!I don't know what's going on, but past experience tells me that whenever something involves that universe and our Kinney, their Skot can't be far behind... and it's usually not good news.

Past experience also tells me that every time Captain Randt gets close to that universe, he ends up almost dead.

Skot, or Snot as I have decided to call him, spared Kinney's life once. I wonder why he did that, and why he didn't last time. What was the change?

Whatever. I don't care. As long as he keeps his poop in his OWN yard, then to hell with whatever schemes are going on. I don't care about their Brit, I don't care about their stupid ship, and I don't care about their weird Kinney knock-off. They just better keep their poop to themselves!

Computer, end recording!

Computer beeps.

*with an adamant nod, he ends his log.*

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot looks paler than usual as he reads over the damage assessments of the ship, wringing his hair with his hands. He sets the data padd down and takes in a few moments of silence before committing his thoughts to recording.*

Personal Log for Commander Skot Brit, stardate 170901

This has been quite the stressful week. If I keep wringing my hair like this, I'll be bald by the time I'm in my 30s.

... However, this may not be a concern, as Commodore Randt is probably going to kill me well before then... At least we stopped it before it damaged the El Tajin. His ready room on the other hand... Those scorch marks are harder to remove than I thought. I'm working on developing an anti-oxidation agent in hopes of removing the charred carpet. Unfortunately my first attempt... well... it removed the carpet sample alright! And part of the lab table... and the lab carpet... At this point it simply blends in with the rest of the damage.

I don't think his ready room needs carpet anyway! It needs... tile? Whatever not-carpetted-rooms have. I'm not an interior decorator for goodness sake!

Definitely not hardwood though. Wood burns. Wood would be bad.

Maybe because we didn't lose his yacht he won't kill me. Perhaps just a light maiming...

I don't know how that plant got on board, but I suspect it hitched a ride on Tonwen. It would make sense. Something about the biofilter must have accelerated its growth. Then it started eating the biogel packs. Or it was mating with it. I'm still not sure. We have a few pieces of dead plant to study, but for now we've simply frozen it in the common lab cryogenic case.

His room does look bad. This may be some of my last moments on this mortal coil.
Then as my last will and testament, Tonwen can have my stereo, the one that uses sound waves to paint small, abstract art. And Aryela can have everything else, though I doubt she wants it. She claims that it doesn't match her own "aesthetic." I think that's the Vulcan way of saying it's ugly.

I'm going to miss this ship. It's a nice ship... when it's not an impromptu planter.

[ScottyBrit Resident]

** The following takes place in the alternate dimension commonly known as the "Mirror" universe**

*Skot walks into his ready room, green with fury and his jaw set as he clenches his teeth. As soon as the door closes behind him, he throws his data padd in his hand. The padd makes contact with the desk, the screen goes out, and it falls impotently to the floor. He throws off his jacket, walks behind the desk, completely ignoring the now broken data padd, and practically heaves himself into the chair. Angrily drumming his fingers on his desk, he takes a deep breath.*

Computer. Begin recording ship's log, authorization Captain Skot Brit, Tango Bravo 144 233 Delta.

Recording

Ship's Log: Stardate 171129

Alert Status : Stand down Red Alert

We have dealt with the mining facility at the Juliet System, DESPITE your pathetic effort to kill us in an attack! You spineless, loathsome...

*He then spoke several statements concerning Chief of Operations Commodore Kinney Randt-Rhode with language unlikely to be advisable in an official record.*

Rrrgh.... Right. Not that. Delete Log and begin recording a new one.

Log deleted... Recording

Ship's Log : Stardate 171129

Alert Status : Stand down Red Alert

We have dealt with the mining facility at the Juliet System. It was very clever to think that the Hirogen could do the dirty work that certain others are unwilling to carry out themselves. Perhaps they realize that they would lose in an all out fight. However, we were successful, despite the attempt on my ship. I don't take well to being set up.

*He stands up, and begins pacing around the room as he continues.*

So you can take your Cortez, and find a torpedo large enough to insert! I'm not going to roll over and die, unlike YOU did at the hands of my XO. You died once, and you can die again, you ugly, odious little...

*He went on a tirade about something involving sexual relations with a goat, suggesting that the unmarried goat was the Commodore's mother. He then started to laugh, but it was not a laugh of humor. After managing to subdue his own laughter, he took a deep breath.*

This isn't going to work. He's a bastard, but he's not stupid...

Computer. Delete log and end recording.

*He heaved a very loaded sigh, and pulls the holder out of his ponytail and scratches the back of his head, causing his mowhawked hair to fall around his face.*

He knew... he must have looked up how I proceed in the past. That's the only way he could have known I usually approach without shields raised. Either that or one of my crew is relaying information to him... I'll have to speak with Aryela about sussing them out. I'm sure he's having me watched.

The dirty trickster. He knew I'd be walking into a trap, because he's too much of a coward to deal with me directly... or I'm too good of a Captain to simply "off." If he wants to play cat and mouse, then he is free to be a cat, and I'll be a tritanium transporter and run his dead a$$ over...

*He returns to his chair and sets himself down a bit more collected than he did before. He scratches the back of his head again as he thinks. Usually rage was his asset, something he tapped into to prevent him from going insane. Today however, he was going to have to take a page from his logical wife's book. This conflict with the Commodore was going to require his intelligence, and not brute force. While he could go on some ill-thought rant, even in the imperial fleet it was bad form to threaten a Commodore with dismemberment, disembowelment, and various other disses currently running through his mind.

His green eyes flare with determination, and no lack of aggression, from between the strands of reddish-blond hair. The locks waft helplessly through each breath as he speaks.*

No. If it is a war you want, then you shall get one. But I am not like the others you have dealt with. I am not a Vulcan... and I'm not a Human either. I didn't get to where I am by callously murdering everyone above me. They all self-destructed, which is exactly what you will do, Commodore. They made the ambitious mistakes that cost them their lives. I have not. You destroy my ship, you can kill my crew... I really do not care about them. But when you begin to mess with me or my family, that is where you will fail.

*He leans back, putting his feet crossed on his desk, and shakes the hair out of his face. Thoughts of victory and survival put a grin on his face, as he reaches for edible stick unlikely to be peppermint. He takes a bite off of it, and speaks again.*

It is said that Moctezuma II initially thought that Cortez was Quetzalcoatl. Whether it's true that it was their mistake or not, it's the going theory, or so Aryela tells me. By the time he would have realized that he was merely dealing with a man, it was too late. And those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. What they should have done, was tie him down, cut out his heart and eat it, then throw his useless body for livestock on which to feed. That would have been the intelligent thing to do.

This time, things will be different. This time, Commodore, in time, you will eat Moctezuma's revenge.

*He takes another bite of the food stick he's holding, a satisfied grin on his face. Skot examines the stick in his hand.*

I wonder what heart tastes like...

Alright let's try this again. Computer, record ship's log. Authorization Captain Skot Brit Tango Bravo 144 233 Delta.

Recording

Ship's log - Stardate 171129

Status : Stand down Red Alert.

We have dealt with the mining facility at the Juliet system, which took longer than expected which I have detailed below. The facility proved uncooperative, and so were exterminated...

[ScottyBrit Resident]

Computer, begin personal log for Commander Skot Brit - Stardate 180503

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Skot scratches the back of his head, as he lets himself "plunk" into his chair. The bags under his eyes betray his lack of sleep. Taking a deep breath, he begins to try and describe what is on his mind.

Where... do I begin? Where do I actually begin? Not at the beginning because that beginning was erased. I'd have to begin at a second beginning, which by definition is not the beginning... so then what is it? Well whatever. I don't care what it is. I...

Well first of all, this encounter with the Paxati has kept me up. If there was a way to prove it, I would bet half my fridge that we've repeated time more than once. I just know, deep down, that we've done this more than they told us. The Ambassador couldn't have known how to fix the nacelle in such a short span of time. The people on the shuttle knew who we were already. How? I don't buy their story. But... It's just a feeling. Not a gut feeling. My brain is in my skull, not my large intestine. But I...

I died. Died. I've never died before. Not that I remember anyway. I would assume that since I remember dying this time, that I would recall previous deaths. Perhaps not. Postmortem recognizance is a very sketchy science at best.

But not just me. After I was impaled on the bridge, Aryela... she ran over to me and touched the console controls. She was killed. It was completely illogical for her to go over there! But I know why she did it. Still, she shouldn't have done so.

She's very thrown off by this. I doubt anyone else knows. But I'm in her head, and I know her. Even for just a few moments, she would have felt that horrible silence... the cutting off of a mental bond that few other than Vulcans, and those in relationships with one, could ever understand. To think I put her through that, even for a moment... guilt is illogical, but I'm not very logical most of the time. When I fought that koon-ut-kal-if-fee, it wasn't to propose marriage or anything. That was mainly because... she should have the right to choose whomever she wishes. It was a bit pride... a bit embarrassment... and... I just didn't want the other guy to win.

wow was that two years ago?

You think you have all the time in the universe, you know? Some species live longer than others but... there's an inherit lack of mortality awareness that surpasses racial barriers. You just... you put things off because you think there's no need to rush. Everything happens in its own time. Why do I need to make a decision on the future, when I'm satisfied with the present?

Aryela nearly died on that icy moon. If it wasn't for Gron... I wouldn't have her. I've felt her presence in my mind for so long now, that I fear I've taken it for granted. To imagine that presence gone... it... hurts. It hurt when it had grown weak while she fought for her life. To imagine that a permanence... I... well... lately, it seems as though reminders of time's passing have been put before me.

Maybe I thought I simply had time to wait. Wait for what? Nothing really, other than simply maintaining the present, because I am contented by it. Why change the present, when it is good the way it is. But is "now" good enough? What if the future is better than now, and I am simply postponing something better than what I have?

I love her. I would do anything for her. There is no doubt. It's not complicated. It's not difficult. it's a simple truth. I love Aryela. I've loved her long enough now that I have to ask myself... what am I waiting for?

Computer, end log.

Computer beeps.

[ScottyBrit Resident]

Computer. Begin recording personal log for Commander Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Personal Log, Stardate 180612.0112

It's finally starting to hit me. Torgo is... dead. Just dead. I watched the Karutak destroy the shuttle on my sensors. I mean... it's how he would have wanted to go. The glorious honor of battle... defending things... explosions... good day to die and all that.

*Skot is visibly upset, and just as visibly trying to not be. He shakes his head.*

I know as an anthropologist, it's not my place to judge whether a belief system is stupid. I'm just supposed to study it, evaluate it, and that's it. But you know what? The notion of an honorable death? It's still death. It is stupid. I'm sorry, I said it, but that's just the way it is.

So much death recently. Myself, my imzadi... Granted, we got better. But...

I hope it's not me... what if I'm bad luck? Well that is so illogical I cannot even believe that I said it. I'm not exactly a harbinger of death. Harbinger of broken things maybe...

Sigh... I'm going to have to find a new best man now. Honestly I'm surprised he agreed to it. I don't even have a ring for him to guard. It's more of a... actually I'm not sure why I'm bothering with a best man. Just mindless tradition I suppose. It's not like I'm having him plan a bachelor party. Oh god... I hope Kris and Gron don't try and make one... shoot me now. That would be less painful.

Aryela, Moon and I were lucky. But there's no time reset this time. There's just... debris. If Torgo's body isn't even in tact, we cannot get him a proper send off. I doubt the Karutak will back off long enough for us to gather the remains of our fallen. *Skot holds his hands up as though signaling an intersection of traffic to stop* Hey hey, wait up. Time out. Time. Thanks. We'll just gather this stuff here. Oh thank you. yeah you can finish killing us in a moment but... ok thanks. Ooookay! Got it! Okay you can go back to the fighting! See ya!

Yeah... that isn't an option.

Yes, he was brute. He was smarter than I initially thought upon meeting him but... I mean... he's alright.

Was... was alright. I guess it still feels weird to talk about him in the past tense. Anyway... hold on.

*Skot unfolds himself from the position he was sitting, and scurries off camera. He gets something from the replicator. When he returns and sits on the floor, he's holding a green, rubber ball as though he was offering a toast with it.*

Torgo... Wherever you are... I know we kind of hated each other when we first met. The fact that we were assigned roommates at the academy was a cruel twist of fate's tapestry Then again, we come to tranquility, and again are assigned to be together. I pushed your buttons, you destroyed mine. The rubber ball thing... heh... admit it, that was funny. But... we couldn't have been more different. Yet, the more I actually got to know you, I learned you weren't so bad. You care deeply about your family. You have a strong sense of self. In honestly... you were probably one of the best friends I ever had... as much as we hate each other. Yes, you're an insufferable bastard. But it worked for you. I never actually hated you.

You were a fine officer, Torgo. Love you or hate you, you never backed down from a fight. You were a heck of a security officer. You tolerated Kris, which in of itself deserves a combat medal. You were Klingon through and through, and a good one at that. I guess I'll miss your ugly face. I still can't believe you're gone.

Sigh... we can replace your position, but we cannot replace you. You're a one of a kind. And you are probably the most honorable person I've ever fought beside.

I suppose I should do you the honor at least of expressing my feelings on your defeat in the proper Klingon fashion...

*Skot rears back his head, and lets out a large, growling scream that echoes against the white walls of the meditation room. Despite the sound, a door can be heard opening. Aryela appears onto the screen and kneels down next to him. Without a spoken word, she wraps her arms around him, albeit awkwardly, but in a warm and caring embrace.

Skot blushes ever slightly green, nods, and rubs Aryela's forearm affectionately.*

Computer, end log.

Computer beeps.

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot looks frazzled as ever, but a different sort of frazzled. He's certainly not physically tired. This weariness comes from a different source than his body. With a heavy, yet tense sigh, he starts to speak.*

Computer, begin personal log for Commander Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Unable to comply. No corresponding log found.

What? Why di.... oh.... I mean Captain. Begin personal log for Captain Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

*He grumbles* I still haven't gotten used to that.

Ahem.

This is not easy. I have enough of a time with my own self. Bonding to another person is... well... hard!

I've been a bit of a {word has been replaced with "donut"} hole lately. I think I'm usually a fairly easy going guy... a bit weird, but not a complete...

Forget that. I'll start again.

Skot looks at the ceiling, closes his eyes, then lowers his head back down, uttering only one word as he opens his eyes.* Skellos.

*He then stands up and begins to pace.* Skellos... even saying that name makes me mad. But is it really me? I mean, I have reason, but not THIS much reason, except he hurt the person I love. I would do anything for her. If I could reverse time, I would without question go in her place. She should never have gone through what she had. And it was all at HIS hand. Though... I do have to wonder if she would be who she is if he hadn't given her Trellium D. I have to believe it has nothing to do with it. And if I could get my hands on him...

Alright, let me put it this way. Do you have any idea what it's like to have a person in your head that is usually the epitome of calm, collected, basically Vulcan? To have this solid presence that's always more rational than you. Now suddenly, that rock that you've come to find comforting, has become rage. Blinding rage that even Vulcan logic struggles to maintain?

I mean I am part Vulcan myself, but I'm mostly human! This is stupid and maddening that I cannot maintain this, though logically, I cannot. If she can't, then how can I?! How can I be expected to be "normal" when the most normal thing in my head is being anything but??

Can you even fathom what it's like to try and suppress someone else's anger? I mean what the {word replaced with fairy} am I supposed to do!?!

*He stops, realizing that he has been yelling.*

... you see?

I thought I grew out of daily meditation, but maybe I need to start again.

She's not doing well. It is just as bad as when I died. But this is... different. Before, it was sorrow, depression, and a bit of anger. This is almost completely raw anger... and fear? Yeah... that's definitely fear. but mostly blind rage.

I've been snapping at people in the lab. I've been harsh with minor mistakes. I'm turning into a pointed-eared Napoleon... which definitely needs to stop.

*He thinks.* Though really it's Skellos that needs to be stopped.

How many times are we going to have to deal with him, or the shadow of his memory?

.... I'm starting to think that the only way it will ever stop is when he's dead...

*His combadge chirps. He slaps it, and his own chest, much harder than necessary. =^= I'm busy! What do you want??=^=

*The timid voice of Tonwen Su can be heard, but it's barely audible. Realizing what he just did, Skot forces a half smile, and makes an attempt at a more casual voice.*

=^= Sorry Tonwen. That's no problem at all. Go right ahead.... and... uh... thanks!=^=

*He looks at his feet.* As bad as it is seeing myself like this, what I can feel in my head that no one else can... It's so much worse. I owe it to her to get my act together.

Meditation it is... ugh...

Computer, end log.

Computer beeps.

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot... prime skot... OG Skot, sits with his thoughts as he begins recording his log.*

Personal Log - Captain Skot Brit stardate 190210

The past few weeks dealing with alternate versions of ourselves has me at what Kris I believe called an "existential crisis." One, I'm surprised he knew a word as big as "existential". Two... he's right. It's a sort of out of body experience that is all confusing and disconcerting at the same time.

I have now seen more of the Terran Empire's Captain Brit than I ever thought I would be subjected to, and it's really only a few minutes of messages. Still, seeing my own face contorted into such hate... well I'm not entirely sure it's hate... it's... contempt? Ambition? I'm not sure I'm interested enough to dig that deeply into what some twisted and corrupted version of myself is thinking. As Aryela would say, it is not agreeable to meet him.

I do wonder sometimes what it is that caused him to become that, and if I'm capable of the same thing. What if it's just a lack of training that my grandfather gave me all those years ago? Would I have become him?

What I really don't understand is... why is he ahead of me... in EVERYTHING? He was a Captain long before I was, both in rank and position. He was married before I was even with Aryela. Of course, I came out on top in that one. My Aryela is better looking! She's got this curve that just *He starts to gesture with his hands, but then shakes himself out of it* But that's not my point!

What was I talking about? *He scrunches up his face in thought for a moment.* Oh yeah! Me!

I mean he even has a kid! A KID!!! How can that monster ever be a dad? I know my own wasn't perfect, but he was to me, and I think I'd do a decent job if I had to but... him?? The man who was willing to kill all of us? That angry, walking, textbook case of short-man-syndrome? What would that even be like?

*He looks off to the right for a few moments, scratching the back of his neck.* There was one thing, and I might be the only person in either universe who would pick up on it.... well HIS Aryela might I guess.

At the end of the battle, Admiral Randt-Rhode was telling him to give up and get to the wormhole while he still could. According to the readings I saw, that ship was swiss cheese already. Instead of some nazi hate drivel about glory to the empire or whatever it is that thew spout off, he said that we'd have to take a kill shot because his orders were from too high up. His crew and family would be dead anyway...

That struck me as weird. I think.... I think he actually cared for a moment? I think he knew he was defeated, but he couldn't retreat without repercussions. Perhaps he needed us to do a kill shot so that he could protect them? I can't really see him doing that but... maybe I actually did. He gave himself a way out.

Maybe he's not as stupid as I thought he was... or as cold.

But he is still horrible. I don't want to see my face like that again... or that hair. He looks like a new hippy every time I see him. They're called scissors, Skot! They've been around for centuries. Use some!

Anyway, I promised Ensign Jules that I wasn't going to force him to glue that vase back together again. I've decided that the fragments will be distributed to the various science departments so that we can each study them in our own capacities and then compare results. But that means I have paperwork to do.

Brit out yo! Holla back to ma boiiiiiis!

Oh god... yeah I'm never saying that line again. That's the last time I watch one of Kris' movies.

-End log-

--Meanwhile, very far away and yet not so far away at all... --

*The Captain of the ISS Veracruz's version of Skot sits at his desk, working away at his report.*

They weren't disabled, but quickly rethought the match-up. They would have easily been defeated had the USS Veracruz not returned to protect the midget ship.

Having learned from... *Skot looks to the side of his screen to see a small boy, with a striking resemblance to Aryela, staring at him.* What?

*They boy gulps.* Do you know where my boat is?

Why the hell would I, NO! I don't <<word removed and replaced with duckling>> know where your boat is! Ugh! *Skot angrily pauses his recording and throws his hands up.* Do you NOT see that I'm busy?! Try using your eyes and look for the damned thing. I- *He pauses, seeing a rather obvious attempt at hiding a toy boat under a cushion. After a quick mental check, he sees that Aryela must be on another deck "dealing" with a crew member.* Why you clever little devil. Come here. *he gestures with his finger.* Come HERE Shik'ar. *when the boy moves around the desk to his side, Skot sighs.* OK what do you really want?

*The boy gives the faintest hint of a frown that is almost indiscernible.* They are saying you lost...

*Skot sighs and scratches the back of his neck.* Ohhh that. Yes, son. We lost.

*Shik'ar looks confused.* But... but you cannot lose. We are supposed to be the best! You cannot do that and lose!

*Skot leans back in his chair.* I'm going to let you in on a secret. *and he leans forward to look the boy in the eye.* There's always someone out there better, and worse. But sometimes being better makes people THINK you're worse than them. But you can never let yourself think you're not the best. Never let anyone tell you you're less than what you are. You know those slaves we have down below?

*Shik'ar nods.*

Well humans used to have US as slaves. But it wasn't because they were better than us. *He smirks* It's because we're better than them. We are stronger, smarter, and better than any of them will ever be. We have abilities that they can never do. And that scares them. The only reason they were ever better than us was because they were violent and we weren't. But they have no idea how violent Vulcans can really be. It's too dangerous for full Vulcans, but I'm part human, and so are you. Which means you're the best of both worlds, because you can be more violent than they can dream of and still stay sane. As long as you know who you are, and use that to your advantage, you'll never lose.*He pokes his son's chest* Don't let ANY of them ever tell you that you're not the best... Do you understand me?

*Shik'ar gives a smile that makes him look much less like his mother and finally like his father as he nods.* Because secretly they fear that we are better than they are.

But let me get one thing clear. I didn't lose. I just... I'm just going to win next time.

*He once again looks like Aryela.* But that is not logical. If you do not win, you lose.

*Skot holds his arms out as though he was a presentation.* And that's why I'm the best! You'll understand some day. Now go get that stupid boat out of the couch. I have to figure out a way to explain all of this <<word removed and replaced with toast!>>

*He takes a deep breath, and taps a button with a flourish.* Ahem, having learned from our previous battle, we had reinforced the phaser and torpedo launchers on our port-side stern in an effort to catch our enemy in a trap...

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot tapped his thighs with his hands nervously as he waited for the communication to go through. Each second that passed felt like an eternity that was getting incrementally longer. Perhaps he would be lucky, and the party he was contacting would not be home. Then he could simply leave a message and avoid the awkward... no such luck.

A jolly-looking blond man with quite the mustache appeared on Skot's screen. He was probably in his early 60s, and had every laugh written around his eyes of those years. After a moment's pause, his large mustache did little to conceal the giant grin that filled his face.*

Skotty! Aye ye finally managed to call your ol dad?

*Skot blushed green. Suddenly he was getting nervous.* Yeah! Yeah things have been really busy what with trying to avoid going to war and dealing with my yogurt and all that. Is... is mother around?

*Gordon, Skot's father, turned his head to yell to another part of the house. *T'Pari hurry it up! *There's a pause, and the muffled sound of a woman's voice in another room.* Well it's your son, isn't it? Unless you want to wait for the next time for him to bother contacting us, like? * After a thump, the woman's voice sounded again.* Son of a doylen I swear... she's comin soon enough. So what you call us for there, Skotty?

*Skot nervously scratched the back of his neck, and reaches for his data padd and taps at it for a moment until it transmits something.* I'm actually sending it to you now... I know you probably can't make the journey out, but i thought I'd at least send you the invite.

*Gordon reaches for a padd of his own, and waits as a transmission is sent. As the marriage invitation for Skot and Aryela loaded in front of him, his smile only grew.* Oooh all official, like? T'Pari! Hurry up, love! Well isn't that something, isn't it? It's about bloody time!

*At that moment Skot's mother, T'Pari, appeared on Skot's screen as well, taking a seat next to Gordon.* Language, husband. So I have come down. What is the fuss about? *T'Pari waits for Gordon to hand her the padd, although she needn't have bothered. Gordon spoke the entire time she tried to read.*

See? Right there! They're finally getting married. Good too because I like her! *Gordon continued to speak, despite T'Pari holding up a hand, asking him to stop. He did finally stop talking when she set the padd down and looked up at the screen.*

Your father is correct, Skot. It is 'about bloody time.'

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot entered his own quarters, which he hasn't even stepped foot in for some time now. It's become a glorified storage room with containers of things he's picked up over the past year. Even if one were to visited, they wouldn't have space to sit on the couch, as it was covered in his collection of old books. He intended to organize the living room, but as had happened each other time, he gets distracted by various objects that remind him of some sort of experience. At best, he was accomplishing moving objects from one useless spot to another. Then he stumbled upon a picture of himself and Aryela from very early in their relationship. He was making a goofy attempt to hide a smile. Aryela on the other hand looked the same as always, or so he thought at the time it was taken. After all these years, he knows better and could see the subtle yet unmistakable hint of a smile right at her eyes. Those eyes...

Those eyes were not helping organize the living room. But they did get Skot thinking... thinking long enough that he realized the futility of trying to clean with everything that was occurring. He hadn't made a personal log in quite some time. There is not time like the present.

Computer, begin personal log for Captain Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Life is always busy on the Veracruz I suppose. It seems like it's gotten accelerated as of late. Between wedding discussions and this new resurgence of Skellos, there's barely time to breathe. Of course there IS time to breathe, otherwise we'd all be dead, but you know what I mean... or I know what I mean. Do other people watch these things? Maybe if I do a crime or something... I hope this isn't how officers with clearance entertain themselves... That's not what I'm talking about though...

... what IS what I'm talking about? Oh yeah!
Skellos... Vayllaa...

I cannot be honest by saying that I agree with the Admiral's decision to utilize Vayllaa in finding Skellos. The only person who could possibly understand my reasons and even has more than I do, is Moon. I am not convinced that Vayllaa is a horribly evil person, but I have seen what she's capable of... and felt it. What she did to myself and moon over that time is rather unforgivable. Sometimes I still think about it... not so much anymore at least. Hearing her voice again brought me right back to those moments.

But...

This is bigger than just me. Skellos has caused horrible suffering to numerous people. He's uprooted people's lives, forced people to do things they absolutely do not want to... HE is evil. And while it may not matter in the grand scheme of the galaxy, there are some things more important than our personal vendettas. While I guess this is Kinney's personal vendetta, it's bigger than him too.

So I suppose what I'm saying out loud finally is... I hate Vayllaa. I have no sympathy and am not sure I could find a way to manufacture some. But I recovered. I have no real permanent damage. Skellos on the other hand... is an far greater threat. He won't stop until he reaches whatever ends he has.

*He glances at the picture that is still in his hands, grinning for half a moment before his face turned to anger.* So if we have to use Vayllaa to be able to finally stop Skellos... I will fully back it. It is not about me. It is about what he's done to people for so many years...

It is about what he did to Aryela.

Computer, end log.

*Computer beeps*

[ScottyBrit Resident]

((this is my 100th personal log? Dang... I talk too much))

[21:00] Skot Brit thumbs through one of his old books, trying to be careful no to ruin the pages. He's not so much reading it as just looking at the print, trying to occupy himself.
[21:02] Aryela enters into their quarters with a slow and steady sigh. She had every intention of heading into the meditation room after today, but the sight of Skot seated in the lounge area stopped her right in the doorway. She still hadn't let down the barrier... however illogical it was, she didn't want to know just how upset he was. She supposed there was no avoiding it, now.
[21:05] Skot Brit hears Aryela enter, and closes his book, a bit more rapidly than perhaps he meant. He turns to look at her with an expression he's never given her before, disappointment. "So, how was your day?"
[21:10] Aryela nearly looks crestfallen herself. It was more than that. She looked... exhausted, frankly. "You do not need to ask a question that you know the answer you," she said softly, approaching him slowly.
[21:13] Skot Brit narrows his eyes slightly. He keeps his voice level, managing to maintain an even head, despite the day long silence of his partner's influence. "You're hardly in a position to be telling me what I should be doing, are you?" He points to the seat next to him. "Sit."
[21:15] Aryela moves to do just that, sitting down beside him and not saying a word. He was upset, and no amount of defense before he collected his thoughts was going to assist matters.
[21:17] Skot Brit looks down at his hands. He struggles to find reasonable words, but there was no reason to be found. "What the f*** were you thinking?"
[21:19] Aryela: "I was thinking a great many things. Which part are you referring to?"
[21:23] Skot Brit scratches the back of his head. "Aryela, don't start pretending that you don't know what I'm talking about. How about we start with... oh I dunno... the temporal directive? Court martials? Maybe some darned common sense?" He catches himself raising his voice, and takes a moment to breath... a couple of moments. "I know why I would have agreed to do something like this. What I'm trying to figure out is why you agreed to this. It's not like you... or hell maybe it is and I just haven't been paying attention. So let's start with that. Why? Why the hell did you help them? And don't think I don't know that you were."
[21:26] Aryela looks away for a few moments, trying to compose her thoughts. "They were going to act on it anyway. It seemed most logical to do about doing so in a fashion that would have the least amount of impact on the timeline. So I devised the plan, and we set about executing it with the most minimal amount of staff required to do so."
[21:30] Skot Brit leans forward and rubs his face. "Ugh... that even sounds logical. What he hell?" He brings his other hand to his head, looking as though he's on the verge of pulling his hair out. "Did you even try to argue against it?"
[21:33] Aryela looks sideways at him in a 'are you serious?' fashion. "I presented the most logical option, which was to do nothing, to the worst option. This was the one they decided on. I... filed my protest, but I..." She looked away then, hesitating. It was a hesitation that likely spoke volumes to Skot, for Aryela so rarely hesitated with words. "There was no trace of their bodies, Skot. It could very well be that this was precisely what we were meant to do."
[21:41] Skot Brit leans back in his seat, finally turning towards her, sighing. "Well at least you partially covered your butt. I was not looking forward to sending you prison messages." He said it in a manner deadpan enough that might have been joking, or he could have been serious. "But you know, none of that is why I'm upset at you. I could ignore all that. I did trust you enough to assume you had a good reason. A nice, logical reason... a stupid reason, but at least a logical one. But that's not what's wrong, surprisingly."
[21:42] Aryela cannot seem to look at him. "You are upset I did not inform you."
[21:44] Skot Brit leans forward again, and comes within half a foot of Aryela's face, to the side. "Nope, close, but nope. How about you look at me and see if you can guess why."
[21:47] Aryela turns her head to look towards him, revealing her own weariness as she met his gaze. "You are upset that I blocked our connection?"
[21:51] Skot Brit sighs, looking at her tired little face. She really looked as though she had been through the ringer. As upset as he was, he didn't like seeing her so spent. "Eh, you're close. Why didn't you trust me? What did you think I was going to do? Run to Kris and have one of them drag you to the brig?"
[21:53] Aryela: Her initial reaction was to blink at him owlishly, as if not comprehending such a scenario. "That... did not even cross my mind," she remarked honestly. In all the scenarios that she'd done, not once had it even occurred to her that he might do such a thing.
[21:55] Skot Brit raises his eyebrows in a questioning manner. "Did you think I was stupid then? That I wouldn't figure it out?"
[21:57] Aryela: "No, I was concerned that you would figure it out. It was not a hard leap to make, granted, but..." She sighed softly, dropping her head a bit. "I was concerned that if we were to be penalized by Starfleet for our actions, that you would be, too."
[22:03] Skot Brit sighs. "There's no evidence that you didn't tell me your intentions anyway. I could have a least excused myself from the bridge.... then I wouldn't be sitting here concerned that you've lost your mind." He shakes his head, almost laughing. "We see his parents life signs, you three go into a meeting, then you cut off your mind... I might not have been paying enough attention to know what you were doing... eventually I would have. Instead it was like sending off a giant red alert of 'I'm doing a bad! Really bad thing!!"
[22:04] Aryela: "And I was. My concern was that if you knew what I was doing, you would attempt to assist."
[22:06] Skot Brit points at himself. "And risk my position? One of us has to be the responsible one here. I didn't think it was going to be me..."
[22:08] Aryela remains quiet for a time. "Nonetheless, I am relieved that such was the case. I went over your calculations afterwards. I could not have done a better job myself, within the ramifications you were provided."
[22:12] Skot Brit grins slightly, despite himself. "At least i know you're not just kissing up to get out of trouble." He blushed green slightly. "I actually had them done earlier than need be. I was just waiting for the admiral to tell me I was finished. I'm amazed I could concentrate considering how quiet my head was.... tell me next time, Will you, imzadi?"
[22:13] Aryela looks over at him, her expression cautious. "I cannot promise I will not act in a means that I think will protect you."
[22:18] Skot Brit shakes his head, sighing. "Of course you can't." He finally looks less upset, not quite grinning though. "You look like hell. A beautiful hell... but hell nonetheless. Go do what you need to do, then get some rest... you're going to need to have a clear head."
[22:21] Aryela hesitated briefly, before slowly starting to ease the barriers down again, allowing the mental flow to start up once more. Wordlessly, she extended her hand out to him, two fingers being offered.
[22:24] Skot Brit leans forward, and kisses her two fingers like he did the first time she offered them. He then pats her on the back. "Go on you, get."
[22:25] Aryela nearly laughs at the action. He was ridiculous sometimes, but it was in a very reassuring and grounding way. But for now, he was right. The days ahead were going to be just as exhausting as the last ones, and she needed to be prepared for that. Rising to her feet, she disappeared into the meditation room.
[22:28] Skot Brit watches Aryela leave and sighs. It had been so quiet without her presence in his mind. Of course, she was fairly quiet anyway, but it was the calming quiet of a mountain view. Without her, it was closer to the quiet of isolation. He looked down at the book he wasn't reading, and frowned and tossed it carelessly onto the couch. "Shut up Dostoyevsky. You're not funny." He stared at the door of the meditation room, wondering how much longer he had left with her. Was she going to get in trouble for her role in what had happened aboard the Veracruz, or did her objection buy them another hundred years?
[22:30] Skot Brit shakes his head and thought, "Knock it off. She's trying to meditate. I should go write my science log.... definitely shouldn't write a personal log... definitely not."

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot sits, looking at a console screen in Aryela's quaters, though frankly it's become both of their quarters by this point, his own quarters long abandoned. He releases a long sigh, so many thoughts rushing through his head, and had been for weeks now. The one person whose presence usually dissects these thoughts simply by existing has been rendered silent, for their own protection. However, this has created a sort of backlog of thought that he simply could not sift through. Giving a look behind him, as though to see if someone were standing there, he speaks aloud.

Computer. Begin recording personal log for Captain Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Personal log, stardate 200723...

We've just re-entered our own timeline, having left an alternate one where the Romulans won the battle of New Romulus. Looking at the world from a different outcome is...

*He thinks for a moment, struggling to find the words he is thinking.*

Cancel log. Begin recording again.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Personal log, stardate 200723...

We've come back to our own timeline. We never isolated the precise moment that caused the Romulans to win the battle of New Romulus, but whatever triggered the ensuing ripple effect that left so many dead...

Noo no no noooo Computer cancel log and begin recording again again... again... no, just two again...

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

Personal log. Stardate... stardate...

*Skot slumped back in his chair, realizing there was no good starting point. There was no way to put this into words. He usually had Aryela there to already know what he meant. He did not need to say out loud how strange it was to be in a universe in which you know you no longer exist, or to see the woman you love so effected, so broken. But that was not even what the majority of the problem was. He knew he should not have snuck off to the Silepkek, but he had a feeling in what his father would refer to as his "gut" that he should speak to Ary. Despite the fact that the crew made a virtual living being wall between them, something intangible nagged him. Besides, there was the matter of the jello cup, far in the back of his minifridge, that weighed heavily on his mind. The cup that was never included in his unfinished fridge inventory report. The cup of red jello that did in fact contain jello, with a nuclear gelatin core, and deep in side that the tiniest milligram of-

Who cares what was in that cup. He was pretty sure that's what caused the massive explosion when the other Veracruz had been destroyed. It would have been destroyed anyway, but it took out far too many ships... and she knew. Aryela knew it was in there, so did Ary of course. Perhaps it would have been useful, but not to him. He packed it along with some other supplies, and threw in some of Aryela's favorite tea. It is not that tea was hard to come by, but he had a feeling that Ary had not gotten any of that tea in quite some time... and old habits die hard. He thought he had evaded Nurse Ratchet, but apparently she noticed. It did not matter. He was able to get to the cargo bay.

But how do you admit any of this to a heartless computer screen? Where do you even begin?

He still remembered the pain in her eyes when he walked in, and how Ary almost reached out to him, mentally, when she saw him. But Ary was no fool. She pulled back. Of course she knew this was not her Skot, even though in some ways it was.

Perhaps giving away the red ma- the jello cup was just an excuse to try and ease her mind. It certainly was not a planned endeavor. He had not thought of what he was going to say, or if he would even say anything. But once he was looking at her emotional face, he could not help but tell her two words... "He knew." To anyone else, those words would not have meant anything, but from the message she had sent him, they meant everything. And of course he knew what his imzadi felt. He felt it. He knew it. He did not require words that he knew were impossible for her to utter aloud... or at least he assumed were impossible... maybe difficult... definitely difficult. It is an emotion, after all, and the whole point of meditation and everything else is to keep those emotions in check.

But how do you describe that moment in words? How do you express the unspoken truth that had to be admitted between two people that were separated by dimension and decision? Even if he did attempt to explain it, it would not likely have made sense to anyone who didn't know the history. With that out, what would be the the point of saying it?

Again, so many thoughts that it was near impossible to grab one and hold it long enough to say before a new one took its place. How do you describe the look on Ary's face, gazing at a cup that resembled jello, and realizing that she was remembering their first date. That was not his intention at all, but simply a convenient place to keep it. How do you describe the strange familiarity with a shield of awkwardness separating the two? That was not his Aryela, but somehow he felt he owed it to that world's Skot to tell Ary what he no longer could tell her.

They parted ways with no incident, no drama. But how do you describe that either? "They spoke, resolved, and left" is woefully inadequate, and any further embellishment is... too much.

Realizing that he was still recording, with nothing being said except for his dumb face, he takes a breath before speaking up again.*

Computer cancel log... This just isn't working.

*Computer beeps*

[ScottyBrit Resident]

((200807))
[15:49] Aryela settles down onto the couch alongside him, hesitating briefly before doing so. "I can see why the last time we were disconnected, you were so unsettled. It is... strange, not having you around in my head."
[15:50] Skot Brit shifts his mouth to the side in agreement. "I think you just get used to the other one being in your head that you forget it's there until it's silent."
[15:51] Aryela smiles faintly and nods. "Precisely." She looked over at him and sighed. "Nonetheless, you have been preoccupied by something. I do not need to be in your head to know that."
[15:55] Skot Brit (scottybrit) sighs. "That's putting it lightly. And speaking about silence, it's sort of brought it back into my head." He looks down at his hands, almost as if to decide what to do with them. He ends up gripping onto his knees and shaking his head slowly. "I know part of the point of this whole thing we did over there was to sort of keep things separate, not just for her... for Ary.. But also to kind of keep us normal or whatever... I'm not being clear. Ahem, anyway... you weren't in good shape over there."
[15:58] Aryela "From the way everyone was reacting, it was impossible not to realize that. It pleases me that she... I?" Aryela shook her head slightly, glancing away, "...did not attempt to attack you, or force matters, however. I was still some semblance of myself."
[16:01] Skot Brit gives a hollow chuckle. "You swore correctly in a sentence. You were certainly not some semblance of yourself.... and she wouldn't have attacked me."
[16:05] Aryela looks over to him, arching a brow. "I have been known to swear in the past. But... that does speak a lot as to my... her... state of mind." This was so incredibly difficult. It *was* her, for all intents and purposes. Knowing she was capable of such a thing was... unsettling.
[16:06] Skot Brit hesitates, looking away. "She... you she... for the purposes of my OWN sanity, I'm just going to call you you, and she she. She... actually sent me a message. The weird thing is, I'm not sure if I should tell you what it was."
[16:08] Aryela looks over at him and sighs softly. She supposed that she couldn't have kept herself from him entirely, in those circumstances. "I... I understand. I will point out, though, that I may very well discover it again when we link once more."
[16:13] Skot Brit shrugs. "Probably... You could probably just mentally muscle your way through right now. We both know I'm not match for you on that front. Honestly she didn't say anything I didn't already know. But you just had this desperation to tell me, as though I didn't know. Which is... kind of sad... that you think that just because you're... you, that I don't know. But she was also... dealing with that silence for several months now. So..."
[16:21] Aryela "You know I would not force things. But... yes, I suppose my being this silent for months at a time would certainly make things... difficult." She shook her head, looking up at their surroundings. "I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the Veracruz would have been lost with all hands on deck. The idea that only the infiltrated ship's parts of the Romulan ship would have a significant impact on my mental state, however much my Vulcan training would imply otherwise."
[16:27] Skot Brit snorts. "The only two ships that survived the Romulans, was the Romulan ship and the ship with a Romulan engine. They would like that irony. In any event... Alright I'll ask you. Do you want to see what Ary said now, or stumble on it when I'm thinking about it randomly later."
[16:30] Aryela remains quiet for a time, lowering her gaze to her hands. "I think it wiser to discuss it now, rather than it come up later, unintended."
[16:32] Skot Brit takes out a data padd. "See? I'm using a data padd instead of paper. Happy? Well, pleased anyway? I actually saved it... maybe by accident. I closed it in a hurried sort of panic... thing." He starts to read it himself for a moment, forgetting why he got it out. "Er... sorry. Here."

SpoilerShow

[200715.1820]Ary : It is often stated that things are not a not a mathematical improbability, but this is a circumstance that I never thought possible. The sight of you again, alive and well... I know that I should *not* be doing this, but I find myself incapable of resisting such urges anymore. Skot... *Imzadi*... I love you. I am sorry I never am able to tell you, you deserve so much more than what I have ever offered you in the past. You are my bedrock, my lifeline... and I will do everything in my power to keep myself from ever having to feel like I do, now. I have many regrets in my life, but you... you were never one of them. You need not reply to this, but please... I need you to *know* this: I love you. I'm sorry I ever put you in harms way, and I'm just... I'm so sorry, Imzadi. *channel rapidly closes*

[16:44] Aryela takes the padd from him, drawing in a deep breath in an attempt to center herself before taking in the words upon them. She could tell that it was her, but the emotional *strain* of it was unfamiliar. Well, largely unfamiliar. Because she knew them to be *true* just... tempered, with years - no - decades, of training. Gulping, she handed the padd back to him, not saying anything for the moment.
[16:46] Skot Brit takes the padd back, and stretches his neck. "Yeah. it's been an awkward few weeks."
[16:47] Aryela is quiet for a good long while, before she shifts to curl herself against him, drawing him close to her, pressing her head against his chest.
[16:52] Skot Brit rests his arm on her, baring little resemblance to his normally awkward self, gently stroking her hair away from her face. He too is being silent.
[16:56] Aryela: It was impossible for her to think of what to say... so for awhile, she said nothing. "Emotion is... not something I am removed from, as you know. But I can see how I would... regret... not voicing aloud sentiments that I... feel to you, while I had the chance."
[17:01] Skot Brit shakes his head, frowning slightly. "You don't have to regret not saying something that I already know. You express it in other ways. It's not like I'm not used to it. That's how my home always was. I've never needed you to say it explicitly... though I wouldn't mind if you did either."
[13:22] Aryela gently squeezed him, sighing softly. "I will keep that in mind. Please... bare with me on the matter, though." She was quiet for a time, contemplating her words. "I *do* love you, though," she confessed softly, finding the admission was not as shameful as she would have thought it to be.
[13:31] Skot Brit leans forward and kisses her head. "I know, imzadi. I love you too." He thought he knew how hard those words were for her to say, remembering briefly how much Ary had wanted to say them. Part of him wondered if he could help prevent the broken woman he had seen, should something happen to him. And then he remembered his promise. But how do you explain a thing like that? So he sat quietly with his face to her head.
[13:33] Aryela was quiet for a time, then chuckled softly. "Do I want to know what promise you made?"
[13:37] Skot Brit blushed green. Somehow he had forgotten that they were connected again. It felt so natural it just slipped his conscious thought. "She told me to hurry up with the daymn wedding."
[13:39] Aryela almost laughs at that. "Of all the things that would be most concerning to me..." She shook her head slightly, withdrawing enough to be able to lift her eyes and meet his gaze once more. "...However, I think... she... is correct. We have had far too many close calls, as of late." She extended her two fingers out to him, her lips quirking upward slightly. "And I *do* wish to marry you, Imzadi."
[2020/07/21 13:41] Skot Brit grabs her hand and kisses her fingers. "You're right in any universe... and it's really annoying."
[13:42] Aryela smirks outright at that, before pointedly leaning in and kissing him softly. "Quite. Now, I think we *both* could use some sleep. You have been pulling nearly as many shifts as I have, lately."
[2020/07/21 13:44] Skot Brit nods, definitely in need of sleep.
[2020/07/21 13:45] Aryela gets up from the couch and tugs at his hand. This mission had been a challenge for them both, but if nothing else, it reinforced the fact that they were better together. They only had to make it official.
[2020/07/21 13:46] Skot Brit stretches, yawns, and follows. //thanks for not being mad that I snuck off.//
[2020/07/21 13:48] Aryela //How can I be mad? I would have likely done the same... and would have come here, if I had the chance.//
[13:49] Skot Brit //We'll talk to Kinney in the morning and set up a date.//
[13:50] Skot Brit yawns again.
[13:50] Aryela finds herself yawning, as well. //Good night, Imzadi.//

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*Skot sits down at the table in his quarters on Tranquility, shared of course with his wife and his cat. He looks at his data padd on the table, using the reflection to get his hair to sit down flat on his head. The hair does not cooperate, and he gives up. After a decade of submitting reports with cowlicks, what is one more? After taking a breath, he proceeds to speak.*

Science log, SS Tranquility. Stardate 220406.2020
Fossil classification is proceeding as planned. It would appear that we will have some good findings for the USS Vega.

*He takes a deep sigh, scratching the back of his head.* At around 1815 hours, the USS Aviator came to port... except it wasn't requesting permission to dock. Instead, it just... I guess barged in? Whatever the helm term for it is. And it-

*A white tail appears in front of Skot's face. He gently moves it out of the way, barely acknowledging the intrusion.* Whatever it did, it was unmanned apart from one life sign that beamed aboard the-

*The white tail returns, followed by a significant portion of feline posterior. Skot uses both hands to shove the cat rump out of frame.* One man beamed aboard the ops deck. It appeared to be Moo-

*A third appearance of the intrusive cat tail prompts a choice word from Skot.* <word removed and replaced with funions> Come on, Winston. I already fed you! *He picks up Primekittister Winston Furchill and places him on the floor, with a mew of protest emitting from Winston.*

Computer, delete recording, and begin new entry.

*Screedly scrrrrrr* Recording.

Tranquility Science Log, Stardate 22040-

*The sound of a cat landing on a table can be heard, followed by the image of a nose, eyes, and very proud whiskers as a cat sniffs the data padd entirely too close to focus properly.*

Winston!
*Skot picks him up, and holds him, hoping that it will placate the Primekittister.* Computer, delete recording and begin new entry.

*Screedily scrrrr* Recording.

Tranquility Science Log. Stardate 220406.
We are making progress with the fossil classification. The- *As Skot tries to speak, Winston stretches up and starts sniffing Skot's face. He laughs in resignation. It does not appear that the cat wishes him to finish his log. However, his laugh was abruptly interrupted by a bite to his nose.*

Ow! Look I FED you! *He gives the data padd a helpless sigh.

Skot knows nothing of the existence of a Veracruz or the decade of adventures had on it. He knows just as little of the younger, orange cat called Pawblo Picatso that existed in an entirely different set of quarters. What he does know, is that he's not going to get his log completed today. He wonders if "cat" is an acceptable excuse for late submissions.*

[ScottyBrit Resident]

*A green ball bounces in the living area of the quarters that Skot and Aryela share. Soon, after the sound of clawed feet attempting to get traction on the floor, an orange blur comes darting out from under the table. Pawblo bounces the ball about the room, carefree, chasing it with earnest. Clearly, the ball is attempting to escape his clawed might. He is determined to prove such efforts as fruitless. Victory shall be Pawblo's.

Skot on the other hand is not so carefree. The weight of the guilt that he brought on the ship is too much to carry. Logically, he knew that he had done nothing wrong. All of his actions can be chalked up to the Telepathic Empire. HE knew this. This was logical. One cannot hold themselves prisoner for actions performed by another. And yet... the feeling remains. He watches Pawblo a bit longer, jealous of the cat's freedom.*

Computer, begin recording personal log for Fleet Captain Skot Brit.

*screedly scrrrr* Recording.

I still don't know where to begin. I have been piecing together what I remember, what I'm told, and what I can find in the logs. It's difficult to really look into the logs since my clearance has been removed. I don't deserve to get it back. Not after what I've done...

Okay I didn't do it but... I did! I absolutely did! I can remember watching through my eyes the actions of someone else. It was like... a strange compulsion. If you had asked me, I couldn't have explained why I was doing it. But I just... had to! It was just deep in my brain, soul? Katra? I just had to build that infernal contraption. I had to rig the door with explosives. I had to... wake Aryela up to help me build it. Everything I told her to do was shared because somewhere, somehow, they got into my head. I really thought I was killing Fred and... I didn't care!

How could I not care? What sort of a person throws another man into a jeffries tube to his death and doesn't care? Someone with ASPD, that's what.

*He sighs heavily, his shoulders slumping with the weight of his thought.* I don't know...
I remember ordering Dr. McKay-Sheppard to kill our captain. But he... refused? He gave some reason why sedation would be better... I think... I didn't have as much control.

AND my dreams have been weird. I'm running away from voices and sounds and they just keep chasing me. I think it might be audio from the pieces I don't remember yet. I don't WANT to remember anymore.

I shouldn't be trusted ever again. I nearly doomed our entire crew! My colleagues! My wife! I should be in the brig, but I need to be here to support Aryela. I'm not sure how much support I'm actually being but she says it helps. She's not a very good liar.

I just remember feeling disdain for those who lack psionic ability. This... ceaseless hunger to subdue them. Destroy them. And a camaraderie with those under the influence of the booster.

... I definitely owe Fred a bag of skittles...

*A crash is heard off screen as Pawblo's epic rubber ball caper culminates in the demise of a ceramic vase.*

Pawblo no! Oh no.... my mom gave us that vase... actually it was pretty ugly. Good boy. But also no...

Uh..., End log! I'll talk more later. I have to clean this up.

*Computer beeps*